Emotional HealthPsychology

11 signs of a sadist

6 Mins read
signs of a sadist
signs of a sadist

A sadist may be the worst person you may ever date, be on the look out for signs of a sadist before you commit to a long term relationship. The emotional and physical implications that come with living or dating a sadist may be overwhelming to say the least.

Emotional intelligence demands that you be able to know what may trigger you and how to deal with. These negative and conflicting emotions that come with dating a sadist may be so negative thus resulting in trauma and heartbreaks.

A sadist may be hard to spot especially if he/she is a sexual sadist unless you get to know each other more intimately. Also, highly sadistic individuals are not often going to point themselves out easily. The sadistic personality disorder is usually found in those who belong to the dark triad- according to psychologists. The dark triad is a combination of psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellian-ism.

Before I dive into the signs of a sadist and how to deal or please a sadist, let me first talk about who is a sadist and the two types of sadists;

  1. Everyday sadist.
  2. Sexual sadist.

Who is a sadist

According to psychologists, a sadist is someone who enjoys the act of inflicting pain on others for personal enjoyment, typically of a sexual nature. It can however breach far outside of the bedroom, manifesting into forms of bullying and intimidation in everyday life.

Everyday sadist – shows lack of empathy and loves hurting others verbally, physically or emotionally by humiliating them and teasing them. This could be the guy who likes making insensitive jokes at the expense of others, the guy who is always rude to waiters or the guy who is always cheering for violence and is insensitive to helping others.

Sexual sadist – shows a feeling of sexual excitement resulting from administering pain, suffering, or humiliation to another person. The pain, suffering, or humiliation inflicted on the other is real; it is not imagined and may be either physical or psychological in nature. A person with a diagnosis of sexual sadism is sometimes called a sadist.

If you are a sadist or masochist, don’t worry, there is nothing so abnormal about you (and its not as if there is any true proof on what is normal). The sadist is all about hurting others; verbally, emotionally and physically, usually to get off sexually. However, this word is about more than sex.

So lets start off by figuring out the signs of a sadist;

Signs of a sadist

Sadists enjoy and cheer for violence

Have you met that guy who always likes seeing people fight, the person who always insights violence and strives to see blood shed and just pointless sheer violence? They may be sadistic.

A huge sign of a sadist is the love and enjoyment of pain infliction. Sadists love violence, this may be in video games, movies, real life, sports and just everyday suffering. This type of sadist is more likely to be an everyday sadist, although it is often common to have a sadist who is both an everyday and sexual sadist.

Have a history of violence

A history of violence is a big red flag when it comes to dating. Someone with a history of violence is bound to be abusive and toxic, especially if they don’t appear to have changed their tendencies. Sadists love power and domination which is apparent in inflicting pain on others.

Don’t be quick to judge a violent person, most violence is as a result of childhood abuse and trauma. Be more concerned about making the person see a therapist or any licensed professional more than judging their actions. That doesn’t mean that you let them abuse you or others, it means that you put more emphasis on finding them some help.

Sadists love inflicting pain onto others

If he or she finds pleasure in ridiculing you, punching you, scratching and biting you, or even others, he or she may be a sadist. Pain is a sadist’s wheelhouse. They love causing pain and being dominant over everybody. This makes them feel powerful and in charge of every situation.

Its comforting to a sadist to see how someone suffers at their hands and actions.

He/she isn’t very agreeable

Agreeableness is one of the five personality traits of the Big Five personality theory. A person with a high level of agreeableness in a personality test is usually warm, friendly, and tactful. They generally have an optimistic view of human nature and get along well with others.

Sadists have a low level of agreeableness because they like having their own way, they love seeing other people being inconvenienced by their desires and wants.

They laugh and make jokes about your pain and suffering

Look out for the lack of empathy, it’s one of the signs of a sadist. They suck at relating to the anguish inflicted on others. Most of them will think that what they are doing is okay and that people will not take it as seriously as they normally would. This will manifest in their dark humor.

Most human beings are guided by a sense of morality, conscience, empathy and warmth towards others that is why sadists will stand out when it comes to empathy.

Control is their forte

No one loves controlling people like sadists, they thrive in exerting their dominance on others. They love having their way and are obsessed with controlling you and the things that you do. The power that the control gives them is what they thrive on, they prefer having their own way when it comes to arguments and bedroom matters.

They are very rude

Their rudeness ranges from being condescending to the waiter, disrespecting the taxi driver, not tipping the waiter because of some petty thing….the list is endless.

However, don’t confuse brutal honesty with rudeness. Brutal honesty is not done with any ill intention unlike being rude which is intended to hurt or humiliate the receiver.

They don’t love easily

Unless a sadist meets a masochist – one whose sexual or other gratification depends on one’s suffering physical pain or humiliation, he/she will find it difficult to fall in love. This is because non-masochists find it hard to unjust their principles to fit in to those of a sadist.

This makes it hard for sadists to find love and let themselves love. That’s quite sad….get it?

They also find it hard to fall in love since it will require them to be considerate an forthcoming to the other person’s needs which is a difficult thing for them to do.

They love having their own way.

They love BDSM and are into weird fetishes

BDSM (which in full stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism ) , largely popularized by the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, is more of a part of a sadist than their whole personality entirely.

You can be into BDSM and not be a sadist, but its more likely that most sadists are into BDSM than regular folks. This is because they love domination, and this is the role that they will assume in the bedroom. That is why sadists love masochists, because they are more susceptible to their power and control.

They love masochists

As I previously stated, they love masochists because they are more susceptible to their fetishes, demands and controlling nature. Hence, easier for the to get along. However, beware of this relationship if you happen to be in one, it could turn from fun to toxic and abusive real quick.

People warn you about them

Pay attention to the exes and friends of your spouses. They know more about them than you already do, listen to their experiences and their shortcomings in the relationship. Pay more attention to the no verbal cues than what they are saying, you will learn more about them that way.

The is a high likelihood of you being told of their sadistic tendencies if they were abusive or too demanding.

Bottom line

Sadists are not ‘freaks’ as some may say, they are just ordinary people with different tastes in what gives them pleasure. They are highly motivated, and power being their wheelhouse, they always find a way to get what they want which makes them quite attractive to most people. However, too much of anything is dangerous and that is why its crucial you master the art of having boundaries and most importantly, safe words.

Now that you know the major signs of a sadist, you may be considering how to please him/her, here are some ways to make sure you are doing a good job at it;

  1. Submit to their ‘power’.
  2. Tell them what to do to you- paint a vivid picture.
  3. BDSM should be primal to you.
  4. Don’t fake or suppress your reactions- let them see what they are doing to you.
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About author
I'm a psychology enthusiast and a fried chicken lover. I write bite sized articles unpacking the complexities of the human mind. The mission is to advocate for what's more important in life - the pursuit of the truth and the highest good one can do with that truth - for themselves, the people around them and the society as a whole.
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