PsychologyReligion

Do Soul Mates Really Exist?

6 Mins read
soul mates
soul mates

Love is the biggest emotion that we could ever experience, its followed by fear and sadness. Which is why the existence of soul mates is something I would really love to talk about.

Growing up, I used to watch all sorts of romantic comedies and soap operas, I truly loved them. I remember being overly obsessed with Love Actually, The Notebook, A Walk To Remember and so many movies that had any kind of love story in them.

By far, my favorite romance show of all time is a Forevermore. Forevermore is a 2014 Philippine romantic drama television series starring Enrique Gil and Liza Soberano. I loved the story, it is about a rich kid who ends up living with this poor girl and her family. Despite their many differences, the universe ends up conspiring to help them come together. The show is made in such a way that you actually believe that the universe truly has a purpose in bringing soul mates together.

I watched it when I was 17 years old and I still believed that soul mates do exist. Entering the university a year after watching it made me have this romantic nature to dating girls. I didn’t hook up with any random girl, I was very strategic and methodical about it, always looking out for the ‘signs of an incoming soul mate’. Which is laughable now that I think of it. Nevertheless, I still believed in it.

After dating a few girls, I came to realize that that love is a very tricky thing, and that if you don’t pay attention, you may end up confusing it with lust or infatuation. Even though I never got to have that movie like romance, I ended up seeing the value in the way the movies portrayed love.

I loved the movies not because of the delusion of love being portrayed but because of how the directors of the movies tried so hard to sell their ideals and concepts of love to the viewers.

A few years have passed now ever since I gave up on searching for my soul mate, but throughout this time I have come to realize what really exists and what doesn’t when it comes to true love and soul mates.

Who is a soul mate?

There are many ways to view the term ‘soul mate’. However, you all know which version of the soul mate I’m going to talk about. First there is the dictionary definition that most people use to justify saying the word. Lol. And then there is the societal definition that they actually believe in.

Dictionary definition: Basically a soul mate is considered as someone who fits into your life perfectly in a romantic way in a manner that no one else has ever fitted, thereby making you happy, fulfilled and whole.

Societal definition: A soul mate is just one person, the person whom the universe has bestowed upon you to find so that you can be happy and have the life that you have always wanted. Its said that when you find that soul mate, everything will fall into place and that you will “live happily ever after”.

The origin of the concept of a soul mate

Many people have different believes on how we came to believe in the existence of soul mates. The most common one is the reference to Plato.

Plato’s version of soul mate theory, according to one account, is the story that: “our ancestors once had two heads, four arms (and supposedly one soul). They did something to offend a god so that god punished them by splitting them down the middle, resulting in the creation of humans. As a punishment, we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half, our soulmates.”

This is similar to many accounts recorded in varies Egyptian and Greek Mythology.

What is surprising though, is that there is no indication of the existence of soul mates in the Bible. You would think that for a religion that is based on the ultimate belief of destiny and fate they would at least talk about a soul mate but no, Christianity clearly doesn’t support the idea of soul mates. I mean, Jesus Himself didn’t even marry.

The Bible does mention soul mates, but it’s not the same idea that the world has created in terms of “finding the one.” It talks of soul mates as people who share the same ideals, with similar voices and principles rather than the true love we are accustomed to hearing. This is clear in

Song of Solomon 3:4 – “I have found the one whom my soul loves.”

The verse above suggests that there are some people we are attracted to –or our soul loves– more than others, but they are more than one, obviously. This is about the love story of the young King Solomon and the Shulamite and we all know how many wives he ended up having at the end of his life. So attraction at the soul level is not an indicator of lasting, true love.

On the other hand, the depiction of true love and soul mates in movies and pop culture began because of our inner needs as human beings to want to be understood and belong to something bigger.

Why we want soul mates to exist

Someone may argue that all of these mentions of the soul mates did begin as us humans trying to fill a void in our lives that is making us look for someone who will ultimately understand us, help us with our goals, give us the ‘perfect love’ and make life as amazing as it can be.

We all yearn to be seen for who we are, we want to be understood the way we understand ourselves, we want to be inspired and saved from our own misery because we believe that there are some voids in us that we can’t fill by ourselves, so we look for that ‘perfect’ person who can fill them for us.

The thought of a savior, a person who is truly designed for you in each and every way is so joyous and romantic that we just can’t resist. We grow up hearing of people finding their loved ones who ended up helping them become their better self. so we believe that there is someone out there who can be like that for us.

Our hearts drive us into having self doubt and a lack of self confidence when we are not happy. We tend to cave into fear and worry that we are not good enough to do some things by ourselves. Which makes us want to be helped by someone who will know us in and out, enough that they will know exactly how to turn our frowning faces upside down.

However, even though this thought of a soul mate is romantic and joyous, we need to realize that based on the complexity of the human mind, our personality differences and the fact that we are all self concerned, its almost near impossible to find someone who is a perfect fit to be your so called soul mate.

If you believe the movie romance, I would urge you to try and compare it to the behind the scenes romance. Look for those celebrities who have made you believe in a soul mates, that power couple, that dynamic duo. Look for them, search for their social media profiles, look at their interviews, and develop a third eye to really analyze objectively their love story. You will see that everything isn’t so black and white. Its called being emotionally intelligent.

What science, psychology and experiences say about soul mates

Did you know that according to a Marist poll:

  • 73% of Americans believe in soulmates.
  • More men than women believe that they are destined to find their one, true soulmate (males: 74%, females: 71%).
  • 79% of people younger than 45 believe in soulmates, while only 69% of those over 45 do.

Throughout all of my research for this topic, I haven’t found any concrete scientific proof that there exists a soul mate for you. Even if there was such a proof, I don’t think our current scientific means are capable of measuring that. This is based on the fact that psychology, which is used to prove such things, is seen as the doofus of all sciences.

The only close answer that I found to prove the existence of soul mates is Interpersonal Energy.

Interpersonal energy is probably related to energy radiating from each of our hearts.

The magnetic component of the heart’s field can be measured several feet away from the body with Superconducting Quantum Interference Device (SQUID)-based magnetometers. (Heartmath). We can feel variations in the other person’s interpersonal energy in our own heart, if we believe we can.

This is related to how quickly you connect with people you meet, there are some people you will just meet and click with whereas with others it will take time or never happen at all. There are no solid ways of measuring this but we all feel it, and I believe we all can’t be wrong right.

Our experiences have shown us that we tend to get along and connect with certain people almost instantly. This is how you know who your type is and what you want, but still doesn’t truly prove that soul mates do exist. This is because infatuation, lust and desperation play a role in our love stories.

If you have ever been in love, then you do know how hard it is to have that person who you can call your soul mate. Relationships have a lot to do with compromise and trying to be the best that you can be, its work and not something that just happens instantaneously.

Bottom line

Even though we all laugh when the topic of soul mates comes up, its clear that a lot of us do still believe in it, even though we won’t say it publicly. This is because we have hope, hope and faith. Even if science doesn’t have any concrete proof to support it we still want to believe in it because it gives us hope.

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About author
I'm a psychology enthusiast and a fried chicken lover. I write bite sized articles unpacking the complexities of the human mind. The mission is to advocate for what's more important in life - the pursuit of the truth and the highest good one can do with that truth - for themselves, the people around them and the society as a whole.
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